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This page gives you without any
apologies, Gods structure for marriage. If you follow and live this structure,
"It works!". God can save your marriage. It's not too late!
You can be victorious. There is help for your marriage here. God can make your
spouse fall in love with you again. (only better)
The bad news is: You can't change
your spouse! The good news is: God can! and will! And if God is for you, who can
be against you?
There is no pleasure on earth that
compares with a "Great Marriage". Not money, not fame . . nothing! If you've
never had a great marriage, then you don't even know what you are missing!
You can have this with "your" spouse.
It is worth the effort to make it
happen, and you can. Marriage can be heaven on earth. (Yes - even with "your"
spouse)
"If both you and your
partner are working together to save your marriage, you will. If
only you are working at it, God will!" ~ Dan Douglass
What can be one of the worst things for
your marriage?
One of the worst things for your
marriage can be, beyond a doubt: "OTHER PEOPLE!".
Who are "other people?" Other people are: Parents, friends, (male or female)
relatives, boss, co-workers or even your children.
If you are putting anyone ahead of, or
equal to your spouse, your marriage problems are obvious . . You! But
that can be a good thing. You can fix or change "you", but changing your spouse
will usually take prayer and Gods intervention.
If you really want to
Kill Divorce and save your marriage, start with "putting your spouse first!"
On this earth, no one ranks higher than
your spouse. Absolutely no one, and you should never forget that! Not your
children, not mom or dad, not your boss, not your pastor and not your friends! "no one".
If you can treat your boss and your
friends with an incredible amount of respect, yet argue with and belittle your
spouse, Your priorities are very, very, wrong! This is how "not" to save your
marriage.
If your mother or your boss said
something derogatory to you about your behavior, you would probably say: "Sorry,
I'll do something about that, thank you!". On the other hand, if your spouse
said the same thing to you, it would most likely make you upset and make you
want to retaliate or seek revenge.
Next time act as though it is
your mother talking, but make your reply to your spouse, even "more" respectful.
Now for the offensive content
Wives
Wives be submissive to your husbands!
(period) If you've watched Christian TV or gone to church every Sunday, you have
at one time or another heard someone preach "wives be submissive to your
husbands".
I actually timed how long it
takes to say this. It was 2 seconds. Every time I have heard this preached,
(anywhere) the pastor or speaker took 2 seconds to say wives be
submissive to your husbands, then give a 20 minute apology and explanation to
sugar coat and lessen the blow of these six words.
The reason, because if you Offend women, you will lose
them and their husbands eventually. No more tithes, no more offerings. Sadly,
money seems to take precedence over Gods written word.
No
ministry should apologize for Gods written word! The apologies offer nothing in
the way of keeping a healthy, happy marriage and certainly give no suggestions
or help that will save your marriage. It is fuel for divorce, and divorce hurts!
Ephesians 5:22
Wives,
be subject
to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:23
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ
also is the head of the church, He Himself
being
the Savior of the body.
Ephesians 5:24
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives
ought to be
to their husbands in everything.
Colossian's 3:18
Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the
Lord.
Ladies, does it seem as though God is trying to tell you something?
If you want your man to fall in love with you again, start by honoring and
respecting the position God appointed your husband in your marriage as the
"head"".
1st Peter 3:1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so
that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won
without a word by the behavior of their wives,
1 Peter 3:2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
Do you understand what this means? If
you really want to save your marriage, live a
Godly life. You will not change "anyone" especially your husband by nagging at
them or arguing and yelling at them!
Power struggles and Marriage do "not"
mix well! Jesus does not have a power struggle with the father over who is in
authority and Man does not have a power struggle with Christ over who is in
authority. This is Gods structure! (not mine)
If you Want your
marriage to be saved, Be submissive! Be compliant! Let him know you love him but,
do
so because you want to please God. Be such a blessing that he will be thanking
God for you every day and you will draw him closer to God.
Proverbs 16:7 When a man's ways are pleasing
to the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at
peace with
him.
This scripture is not specific to gender! It does not
mean for a male only. The word "man" refers to the human race!
YOU!
Matthew 6:33
"But seek first
His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
The point is "You" can't
change your husband, but God Can. Don't focus on your husbands behavior, focus
on yours! (that's what God will be doing) Seek God!
You have a personal
relationship with the father. When the day finally comes and you are standing
before God (trembling, if your anything like me) God may ask you:
Why did you get divorced? and why did you say and do all those things in the
process?
Malachi 2:16 "For
I
hate divorce,"
says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with
wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do
not deal treacherously."
You will probably answer God with: "because my
husband said and did this and that to me!"
God will probably stop you in mid sentence, not let
you finish and tell you, This is not about him, it is only about "you!",
now, without mentioning "him", why did you get divorced? Without
pointing the finger at him, will you be able to give an acceptable explanation
to God?
Ladies, giving the typical answers
commonly heard on television, radio, the media and from certain activist
groups, may make other women stand up and applaud you, but it will not be
acceptable to God!
A. I feel like I've lost my
identity
B. We are supposed to be
equals, and he thinks he is the boss!
c. We've
just grown apart.
I warned you this would be offensive content.
Concerning "A", When you said "I Do", you gave up
your former identity! You now have a new identity.
Matthew 19:5
'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS
FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME
ONE
FLESH'?
Matthew 19:6
"So they are no
longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man
separate."
Personally I believe that when a woman keeps her
maiden name after marriage, she dishonors herself and her husband.
When you leave this world, God will
give you a "new"
name. Are you going to tell God that you are going to be called by your old name
also because you feel like you'd be "losing your identity?"
Revelation 2:17
'He who has an ear, let him hear what the
Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, to him I will give
some of the
hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, and a
new name
written on the stone which no one knows but he who receives it.'
Look at the bright side. Your husband will finally
find out what it's like to have "his" name changed. You just tell him to be real
nice to you, or you'll pray that God gives him a name he can't even pronounce!
Concerning "B",
According to God, "Your husband "is" the boss!". You cannot have two chef's
in a kitchen!, You cannot have two heads of a corporation, you cannot
have two presidents of the united states and you cannot have two
heads of the family! Someone has to have final say!
1-Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head
of a woman, and God is the head
of Christ.
Women have gotten the impression for years, by
certain groups,
learning institutions and the media, that to be subject to a man, somehow makes you a
bad and unacceptable person. That's what the world would have you believe.
If this were true, then it would also be true that
Christ himself would be bad and unacceptable if he were "not" equal with God the
father, and man, if he were not equal with Christ. Jesus told you, "be not of
this world".
Above, You read
1st Peter 3:1
"Wives be submissive to your
own husbands"
How can one person
be submissive or subject to another and both be equal? The private and the
sergeant in the army are "not" equals!
Although they both share the same
goal, to defend this country, if every private is giving orders on the
battlefield instead of taking them, the war is lost and so is the country!
This is not to say women in general are not equal to
men, but mainly when one has entered into the marriage commitment. Same with men.
Gentlemen, if your boss at work is a woman, you are "not" equal to her within
your corporation or workplace.
If you insist on being equal,
there will certainly be distention and a possible split up. (meaning you,
will be looking for a new job!) According to God, marriage has it's own
structure also, with the man being the head.
God did not say: "Women be
submissive to men", he said: "Wives be submissive to your own husbands as unto
the lord". It does not mean that you ladies are to go around being submissive to
every guy you pass on the street.
God's laws concerning these things
apply mainly within marriage and within the church. That is why it is crucial
that you ladies choose wisely "Before" you get married, because Gods laws "will"
apply - period. Do "Not" marry a non believer!
Concerning "C",
Although you may feel you've grown apart, God considers you "One Flesh" You
don't just "turn it off" and telling God "Okay, I tried marriage with this guy
and, well, you know, I didn't like it much. So I'm off to better things", will
not be acceptable!
Matthew 19:9
"And I say to you,
whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman
commits adultery."
What this means is, unless your
husband has been caught cheating on you, committing adultery, you have no legal
grounds in Gods court for divorce! Therefore, If you eventually get married
again, "you" will be committing adultery.
Adultery is the "only" grounds for divorce in Gods
court! My personal opinion is, try to work it out anyway and
save your marriage if possible. Use divorce as the
very last resort. Try God first! Find out what pleases God and then do it.
God is faithful to his word. Gain Gods favor and God will
take your man, shake him up and straiten him out! You'll end up with a great
husband. A leader, not a tyrant! Someone you not only want to please, but
will be excited about finding new ways to do it!
1 Peter 3:10 For, "THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD
DAYS, MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT.
1 Peter 3:11 "HE MUST TURN AWAY FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD; HE MUST SEEK
PEACE AND PURSUE IT.
You're both yelling "God Save My
Marriage, but If you want to stop a divorce and save your
marriage, The arguing, yelling and name calling is not the way, it's bad for
your life. Stop it!
I will add that the yelling and name calling is worse for "you"
than the person you are directing it at! If you want to see good days, "seek peace and pursue it".
"Don't win the argument, win the marriage!"
HUSBANDS
Husbands, while you were reading "save your
marriage" pertaining to wives, I'm sure you all
agreed with the "wives be submissive to your husbands" lecture! Which I meant
with all my heart, but now that the applause have died down a bit, lets imagine
our selves in "this" scenario.
You have watched several prison
movies (and we all have) throughout your life. The way Hollywood has glamorized them, you think it
would be a cool thing to actually spend some time in prison and be able to brag
about it. The tough guy, the hero etc..
So you go knock off the
friendly neighborhood "711". The judge sends you to prison, but you find out
it's not quite as romantic as you thought it would be.
All of a sudden, your sharing a
cell with "Bubba" who's shoulders are so wide he can barely fit through the cell
door and who's arms are bigger around than your leg.
Bubba then informs you that you
are going to be submissive to him! Or in prison terms says: "You're my
"bitch" now!" Meaning, you will do what you are told, clean the cell and provide
"sex" whenever he is in the mood.
Then comes the "real slammer",
(only a comparison for the scenario) you find out that God commands that you are to be submissive to him and if you
don't, you are displeasing God! Hey! You thought it would be cool to be there
and you chose it. Too late now!
Do you think for a moment, this
would be any different for your wife? Women, starting when they are little
girls, imagine meeting Mr. Wonderful, their knight in shinning armor, getting
married and living happily ever after, only to find themselves locked in a cell.
Women respect strength and
leadership in a man, but no one respects a tyrant. Do you believe your wife should be
submissive to you simply because you are the man?
No! She should be submissive
to you "simply" because God wishes it and "she" wishes to be pleasing to
God. However, when you start acting like a knight in shining armor, She will
start treating you better than a knight, probably more like a king. (and
neither one of you will be saying "Please God Save My Marriage")
If you are to be the head and the
leader, you have to actually be "headed" somewhere! Seek God! Make heaven your
destination, then tell her - "follow me".
Okay, so the little woman has a great
big mouth and never knows when to shut it! She's cutting, she's insulting and
she's contentious. It is noted and you have our sympathy.
Proverbs 21:9 It is better to live in a corner of a roof Than in a house
shared with a contentious
woman.
Proverbs 21:19 It is better to live in a desert land Than with a contentious
and vexing woman.
Proverbs 27:15 A constant dripping on a day of steady rain And a
contentious
woman are alike;
Proverbs 27:16
He who
would restrain her restrains the wind, And grasps oil with his right hand.
However, If you want God to
save your marriage, the same advice I gave to the ladies, applies to you also!
Arguing with her will accomplish nothing.
If she is truly contentious and
argumentative, by arguing with her or getting sucked into an argument, you are
letting her control you! God did not intend for the woman to control you. Wise
up!
Husbands & Wives
A little personal advice
from me if you want to heal your marriage. From this point on, wherever you are and whoever you are with, talk and
act as if your spouse were standing right next to you.
Ladies, If you are having lunch with the
girls, don't say anything you wouldn't say if your husband were sitting right
there at the table with you. Including, comments about the waiters rear end,
complaining about your marriage etc..
Guys, when you are at the gas station
filling up and the busty blonde in the halter top that she borrowed from
her 8 year old sister walks past, Pretend your wife is standing next to you.
Matter of fact, just don't look!
If you do not have the strength to do
this little thing, you don't possess the strength or leadership required to be
head of the family or marriage. Better start working on it! Do you want respect?
Start earning it! Don't look, instead go home and stare at your wife!
Trust God
Proverbs 16:7 When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at
peace with
him.
If you want to save your
marriage, Stop trying to win the argument, and start trying to win the marriage!
Ask what God would have you do, then do it. God will "NOT" be standing on the
sidelines yelling: "Don't take that crap from her!, now get in there and get
her!" (Not)
Again, women respect strength and leadership. True
strength is being able to resist firing back when you feel yourself being sucked
into an argument. Instead, be a man!
Ephesians 5:25
-
Husbands, love your wives,
just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
Leadership is: making
sure "you" are living and acting according to Gods will, sticking to your point and making
it clear you are acting out of love. Skipping the name calling and
other things meant to tear down the other person, because that is "not" how to
build up your marriage.
Colossians 3:19
- Husbands, love your wives
and do not be embittered against them.
To strengthen your marriage, is to build up the other
person, not tear them down. You are both to be a blessing to each other and
constantly help each other attain the goal of reaching heaven.
Again, if you are to attain the
leadership - make sure you are going someplace!
Proverbs 18:22
- He who finds a wife finds a
good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.
Don't insist on having the last word. Don't get
reeled in every time she wants to have an argument. Stop trying to change her
and let God do it! Because God knows how to make your marriage better.
Stop trying to win and start seeking God! Put God
first!
Matthew 6:33
-
"But seek first
His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
If you have never applied these scriptures to your
life or have never lived them, don't tell me they don't work. They will. Stop trying to change her and start seeking God with all
your heart.
When you do, God will not only
revive your marriage, he will make your marriage
better than you ever dreamed possible.
What does God require of "You"?
No more or no less than he requires from
anyone.
Micah 6:8
He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of
you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?
Can you possibly walk humbly with
god while you are having hate feelings against your spouse, yelling, calling
them names, withholding sex as a punishment, not coming home all night etc.. .
. Is this how you would fix your marriage?
Leave the punishment to God! Wives
be submissive!
Husbands Love your wives as Christ loved the church and died for her. Both of
you, Set an example for each other and bring each other closer to God.
It has been my experience that you can't hate someone
who is constantly nice to you! And neither can your spouse.
Here's the problem
Wives, you want a wonderful marriage and you want your husband to love
you as Christ loved the Church and gave his life for her.
Husbands, you also want a perfect marriage and You want your wife to be
submissive to you and to have a chaste and respectful behavior.
I will point out that these are
biblical/Godly principles and laws that you are demanding from one another. For instance, do
you remember the cartoon "The Flintstones? Fred and Barney were both members of
the "Royal order of Water Buffalo?"
To receive the prestige and ceremony
awarded to a Water Buffalo, you had to know the secret handshake, attend the
meetings etc.. Similarly, If you want to shop at "Sam's Club" and receive
the discounts, you must pay the price and become a member.
If you want Godly principles
and laws to apply in your life, and you want to save your marriage, you need to
seek the Kingdom of God first and become an active member! Once you sincerely do
this, God will do any changing necessary in your spouses life. (and
yours)
Where changing your spouse is concerned, "God
will not be needing your help!"
Where do you live?
Jesus said: Be not of this world. If
you insist on living in the world, the world says women and men are equal.
Meaning neither one of you deserve any more respect than would be shown to you
on the street by a member of your same sex.
If you really want a good, Godly
marriage, Don't just pick the principals of God that are convenient for you at
the time. Guys, don't expect your wife to be submissive, and Ladies, don't
expect to be treated as anything special.
Gentlemen, if you are living
in the kingdom of God, Loving your wife and being ready to give your life for
her, is "not" a suggestion, it is a "COMMAND!"
Ladies, Similarly, being submissive to your
husband is not a lifestyle alternative, "It is the LAW". Decide where you want
to live and then "Live there!" You cannot live in the middle! God will "not"
like it!
Revelation 3:16 'So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I
will spit you out of My mouth.
Hear is something I would like you
to think about. Write this down on a piece of paper and look at it throughout
your day..
What have you done
today to deserve
the respect that you demand from your spouse? (ask yourself
this often)
Tame the Beast
Has your spouse been a beast?
Don't just sit there, Tame them! for a moment, lets use a lion tamer as an
example. The lion tamer doesn't just sit back and tell the lion to jump through
the hoop, there is considerable effort involved on the lion tamers part if he
wants to see results.
On the other hand, he does not beat
the lion into submission either. The lion tamer works hard at developing a
trusting relationship with the lion "and" uses a "reward system", in which the
beast responds to and likes.
Also, one does not sit by the pond
on a calm day and wait for ripples to happen in the water, one has to throw a
pebble in! The
point is, The first action has to start with you.
How to define a successful
marriage
Simple, A successful marriage
is one that has not ended in divorce or separation! (period)
Unless the person giving advice has been married from the moment they said "I
Do" until present, or their partner has died, they have "not" had a successful
marriage!
Even if the person giving
advice was married fifty years before getting divorced, they did not have a
successful marriage, and can not give you the best advise that can save your
marriage. LOOK ELSE WARE!
Ask advice
Who do you go to, to ask
advice on how to save your marriage? Well, for starters, If you wanted to be a millionaire, you would ask
someone who already made a million dollars. Bill Gate's or Donald Trump, Not the
waitress or the shop worker.
Find a couple who has been
married 40 or 50 years. People who took the "until death do us part" verse in
the marriage vows seriously. Visit a nursing home and find someone, "man or
woman", who had a successful marriage until the death of their spouse.
(they'd probably love the company) Ask these people how to save your
marriage.
Whoever you ask, even if it be
a pastor, therapist or even a marriage counselor, find out first if they have
had a successful marriage. If they have not, they are not
qualified to instruct you on how to save your marriage.
Who "not" to ask
Ladies, do not ask or take the advice of girlfriends! Especially those
who have been divorced, never been married or someone cheating on their husband.
If you ask them how to save your marriage or for advice, your marriage is doomed!
Gentlemen, the same advice
applies to you. Don't let "the Guys" tell you how to keep the little
woman in line! If your hangin' with the guys more than your at home, your
problem is obvious. (Better treat the
guys real good, because eventually, that's who you'll be sleeping with, if not
alone!)
Ladies and Gentlemen - Don't seek help from anyone who has not "been there/done that". This
includes: Preachers, pastors, ministers, psychologists, mom, dad, psychiatrists, Marriage
counselors or even the sweet little old lady down the street!
If they have not had a successful
marriage, "Don't go there!" as a
matter of fact - RUN! By example and trial, it is obvious that their method of
mending a marriage, doesn't work.
Where your marriage is concerned, I always say "If it ain't
broke, don't fix it". However, if your marriage needs help, you might want to
consider ordering this book.
Too Late!
Is it too
Late for your marriage? Are you already divorced? You know,
God "hates" divorce! You'd
better hit the Panic button right now!
PANIC
God Bless You
Dan Douglass
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