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Panic because Your
marriage has already ended in divorce. Panic because, "It's too late". And
you know that God said in Malachi 2:16, that God hates divorce! Your
probably feeling a bit guilty like every normal person does after a divorce,
and now you feel that "God is really mad at you, or God hates
you!"
Are you thinking you could
have done things a little different?, you know what? You probably could
have! But, lets both quit beating up on you for a minute because there are
some things I think you should know. (wait to panic)
A short story
First I'd like to tell you
about a person I know that did everything he could to save his marriage and
did everything right according to Gods word and the marriage still went down
in flames. I believe after reading this, you might get a better perspective
on how God looks at divorce.
About 8 to 10 years ago
this person was having an argument with his wife. It was about 2 hours
before he had to go to work and she stated that it was her birthday and she
was going out to a bar. He asked, who was going to watch their 3 children?
She stated: "My mother"
He said: "The same mother
who watched your sisters kids and was visiting bad areas of town at 3 and
4:00 AM and left them un attended in her car? I DON'T THINK SO!
He was sitting in his
favorite chair and she was standing at the front door holding it cracked
open, yelling very loud so the neighbors could hear! He got up and walked
calmly to the door, slammed it very hard, then returned to his chair and
said: "Now, just talk to "me", okay?"
That was the most violent
thing that happened that day. However, when he returned home from work that
evening, he found that his wife had left and taken their 3 children.
What followed soon
afterward was shocking. For two weeks or so, this person didn't know where
his children were. Finally a phone call. It was his wife. The conversation
was pleasant and he asked if she needed money or their only car and said:
"If you need time to think about things go ahead etc.."
She said she didn't need
anything and that she had to do something quickly that her attorney had told
her to do. Apparently she was advised to check into an abuse shelter by the
attorney.
Very soon afterwards, he
was served with divorce papers and allegations of spousal abuse and child
abuse and still didn't know where his children were. It was at this point,
this person I know, fell on the floor in his living room, intensely begging
God to heal his marriage and protect him from these allegations against him.
This man called everyone
he knew and asked them to pray that God would heal his marriage and about
the abuse allegations. He told everyone that if they had any doubts about
"him" to at least pray that Gods will would be done.
In his mind, he knew he
was innocent and that it "was" Gods will that the marriage be restored! So
he knew he was praying according to Gods will.
Malachi 2:16
-
"For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God
of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of
hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."
Matthew 19:9 -
"And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except
for immorality,
and marries another woman commits adultery."
Things went from bad to
worse to everyone's surprise. This woman went to this mans neighbors, the
elders of his church, his friends, relatives and anyone who would lend an
ear to her and maliciously slammed this mans character. She even went to the
humane society and told them that he abused animals.
It was later that she told
him that she had been diagnosed with "serious mental issues". There were
things this man could have done, right from the beginning to seek revenge
and make her life miserable, but he chose not to go there.
God sent two attorneys to
him, who offered to represent him free of charge. The first, a friend of his
did not specialize in divorce and worked diligently to reconcile the
marriage.
Well, they went to court
and the judge immediately awarded her full custody of the three children and
a sizable amount of child support, but, by law, had to grant him visitation.
The second, who did
specialize in divorce, literally begged him to let him take the case and he
did. They went back to court and The judge belittled him, made fun of his
age and his occupation and was very distinctly rude.
However, the judge was
forced (by law) to lower the child support to a very minimal amount. And was
visibly not happy about it. This man was also awarded "joint custody" of the
three children.
To make a long story
short, every time this woman tried to dig a pit for him, she would fall into
it herself. Eventually, he was awarded full custody of the children. It was
later discovered that the children (especially one) were being
abused, but it was happening in her care, at her house, not
his.
A divorce did take place.
He did everything possible to prevent it, and Did everything according to
Gods will. Even though being lonely and approached by women, he had nothing
to do with them even after the divorce was final.
God does answer prayer,
but sometimes the answer is "No". Everyone was confused because they were
sure they were praying according to God's will, yet things kept getting
worse.
I truly believe with all
my heart, that God wanted this marriage to end. If I didn't believe it then,
There is no doubt that I believe it now!
Does this shock you? I'm
sure it does, but I would like to point something out to you, that you may
not know.
God himself is a divorcee.
You heard me correctly. Even God reached a point when he had to say: "enough
is enough".
Jeremiah 3:8
"And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her
away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her
treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also.
Once this mans marriage
ended, God started blessing him beyond measure. He was awarded custody of
his children by a judge who started off hating him, (based on all the
accusations filed against him) and Free attorneys? (now that's a miracle)
One day a woman attended
his church that was so beautiful, she turned even the most disciplined
members of the congregations heads. She was not only extremely beautiful,
but very pleasant to talk to and well mannered.
Some of the single
gentlemen didn't waste much time in asking her out, which she politely
declined without hurting their feelings or pride. She had a daughter that
attended some of the same functions as his three children did.
They became friends and
would seem to single each other out for conversation on Wednesday evenings
while waiting for their children's church functions to end.
His sister said to him:
"She likes you" and he replied: "She's just really nice and she's nice to
everyone". Using common sense, he knew this girl could have anyone she
chose, and he didn't consider himself a great catch, having three children
and not such a great job at the time.
I could go on and make
this a novel if I told you how much god has blessed this man, but to
condense this a bit, to the distain of their church, that insisted on taking
a marriage course that lasted weeks before getting married, they had one
date and then got married.
That was several years
ago, and to this day, I never see them without holding each others hand. It
was truly a marriage arranged by God. She appears to be (and according to
him) everything the bible describes as "an excellent wife"
They are so obviously
right for each other, they could pass for brother and sister if it were not
so obvious that they are so in love. By the way, she was divorced also! (but
that is another story for another time)
What's the point! How does this
apply to me?
The point is, "God
Hates Divorce". So ask your self,
did God hate "that" divorce? Hmmm
it seems there are exceptions. Who do you most resemble in the story above?
(Gender doesn't matter) Why did God bless this man even though he got
divorced? And her for that matter.
The answer is in the
advice I am about to give you. So you are divorced! (not separated) This
time, let God choose your spouse for you, as you should have done the first
time, but hardly anyone does.
Sure, you're lonely and
maybe depressed. You might even be missing sex so bad you can't stand it!
However, now is the time to put God before your urges, feelings, wants and
desires. (In truth, you are currently facing a wonderful opportunity) Take
it!
If you can abstain from
having sex or whatever it is that is most important to you, and put God
first, this will make you a pearl of great price in Gods eyes. God will
notice and reward you!
It may even take some
time, but will be well worth it. If you put God first, he will send
you the perfect spouse. A match made by him, made in heaven, unbreakable by
Satan or the world.
Whatever it is that you
would put ahead of, or as more important than God, (and we all have
something) put it behind you and put God first! I promise you, God will
bless you beyond measure.
Whatever it is, put it
second to God. Find out what pleases God and what God would want you to do,
then Do it!
That's what the man in the
story did and it worked for him. I guarantee it will work for you. It may
not be what you wanted to hear, but it is good advise. try it.
Under no circumstances
will God bless you for taking revenge on your "X" spouse. If you've done
wrong, try to make it right! Get over it and get on with your life!
If your "X"- spouse needs
to be punished, let God do it! By the way, God will not be requiring your
help! As much as is possible, get out with a clean conscience. Just ask God
and he is faithful to forgive you and wipe the slate clean.
If you are not divorced
yet, don't even think about it!! Your course is to pray and trust God, and
he can make your marriage (yes your marriage) heaven on earth.
God is not your 2nd grade
teacher. He knows your heart and he knows your mind. Put divorce or whatever
"you" want behind you and do what God wants, then, if you end up divorced,
you will walk out of it "blessed!" (No Panic)
You can't fool God, don't
try!
God Bless You
Dan Douglass
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